The Office
by zelda-chic04
Summary: It's not all what it seems to be when you work in an office. Take for example the office the people of Naruto work in. Is it all play and no work or all work and no play? Lets just say things get a little...crazy.
1. Chapter 1: What size are you?

**Author's Note:** The characters in this NEW fic MAY BE out of character. This story is based on actual occurrences that happen in the office I work in. Obviously what occurs in this story isn't exactly what happened, so don't take it to heart too much. The characters I'm using are merely just playing the part of my co-workers and really have no significance to their original selves.

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**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto, but I do own the situations that happen because they either happened to me or a co-worker!

The Office

**Episode 1: **What size are you?

**April 14th, 9:52 am**

No one knew what to expect when they opened the door to the dreaded payroll office, especially Sakura who was one of two student workers on this day.

"Now you have to guess her cup size!" Kiba, an intermittent worker, shouted as Sakura walked in.

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"Oh…we've been doing that with Ino and Anko today." Naruto, who was sitting next to the fax machine, commented.

"Ok…"

Unfortunately for Sakura, when she was walking to set her stuff down, she ran into Jiraiya, one of the older, longer-working employees and most perverted person around.

Jiraiya stopped and examined Sakura over, not like he hadn't done that in the past. "I'd say she's a C. No wait…I take that back. A D cup." He smiled and took a closer look. "Yeah, a D."

"WHAT!" Sakura screamed. _Now I really think I shouldn't have come into work today. Too bad Tsunade-sama isn't in today. _

"What? Am I right?" Jiraiya tried to stay innocent.

"You were right the first time. I'm a C." Sakura blushed and continued on her way to drop off her purse and book bag. _Damn these people can get so weird. But hey, at least it isn't boring._

Sakura waited a few moments for Jiraiya to leave the office. He always left and went somewhere and would be gone for insanely long amounts of time. No one bothered to guess where he was at or what he was doing. It was Jiraiya. Use your imagination.

"Ok. Now what was all that about?" Sakura finally asked when the scene was clear of her perverted co-worker.

Anko, another intermittent worker, spun around in her chair to face Sakura who was behind her. "It all started with Ino and her talking about bras." She said sounding like she was trying to blame someone.

Sakura looked over at Ino, the other student worker. _It figures she would complain about something like that. If she's not complaining about one thing, it's another. She's so senseless. Not like Anko is any better. She's always gossiping about something._

"Oh my gawd. I had to go into the lamest store ever to find a bra that would fit!" Ino started her ranting again. "I hate going into that store too because it's for those really huge people who wear like a size 24 or a 28. They never have any smaller sizes."

"Well, sometimes you have to go in there. They do have smaller clothes there, it's just people go in there and grab them right away." Anko informed.

Ino folded her arms and pouted. "Well…I've never seen them there."

"They're there! Trust me!"

Sakura sighed and pulled up the chair that was by the electronic typewriter, since Ino was occupying the student desk. _Their bitching is one thing I DON'T like about this office. _Little did Sakura know that this was just the tip of the iceberg.

Meanwhile, sometime during the gossip of Anko and Ino, Jiraiya had come back in and went into his office.

"So I see you guys are still on this 'steamy' topic." Jiraiya tried to sound smooth as he stretched his arms out.

And in fact Ino, Anko, Naruto, and Kiba were still on the topic of bras and things such as that. Sakura tried to stay out of it as much as possible and attempted to hide herself away by opening the morning mail.

"Oh man…I still remember like it was yesterday. I'm sure you all want to hear about my sex story, don't you? The one about in the rain in the middle of the night?" Jiraiya gave a huge grin.

Everyone turned to face Jiraiya. Sakura jumped in her skin after she heard her co-worker's statement.

"Dude…we've heard that one before!" Naruto remarked.

"Oh man…I remember the girl too. Her name was…was…" Jiraiya struggled.

"I think he's been with too many girls to remember." Kiba snickered. Naruto laughed with him.

"Shut up. Oh yeah! I remember now. Her name was Melinda. She was such a hottie. She was so good too…," Jiraiya started to get a dreamy look in his eyes. "With her being wet and moa-"

"Hey now! That's a little more than we want to hear." Kiba shouted disgustedly.

"Not like you haven't done that, Kiba. What about all those whips and chains underneath your bed?" Naruto taunted.

"Oh…well…you know…." Kiba winked and played along.

Sakura couldn't believe what her co-workers were talking about. She sunk low into her chair and attempted to block them out of her mind. _Can I please leave!_

Anko giggled like a little girl. "That reminds me, I need to go see a gynecologist."

"What for?" Ino raised an eyebrow.

"Well…since I'm getting older, unlike you young kids," Anko tried blame something that couldn't be helped. "I need to make sure I'm in working order."

"Who do you go to?" Naruto asked as he was sorting through some timecards.

"I go to Dr. Sarutobi."

"Alright. I see Hatake Kakashi. He does a good job. And plus I prefer a male over a female gynecologist anyway."

"I prefer a female. I don't think men should be gynecologists. Some men are just so perverted." Anko began to brag.

"I agree," Ino came into the conversation. "You never know if the guy would be gay or straight."

"But what if one is married? Don't you think that he would get enough pussy from his wife that he would have to look at other women's?" Kiba stated.

"I don't know why he would be a gynecologist just for that. I'm sure all pussy's look the same." Anko affirmed.

Sakura's eyes grew wide. She didn't want to say anything. Not only would she be ignored for the most part, but she didn't really know what to say since wasn't involved in that stuff like they were. _Oh my gosh…oh my gosh. I can't believe they're talking about this…HERE OF ALL PLACES!_ Sakura's inner self screamed.

"And how would you know?" Jiraiya asked, once again poking his head out of his office.

_The last thing we need is his input!_ Sakura protested to herself. Her attempt to stay out of the conversation finally failed. Sakura still didn't feel the need to say anything. The last thing she wanted was to get caught up in it and some how would be the victim of criticism of some sort.

Anko intensely stared at Jiraiya but didn't say anything. Obviously her prissiness couldn't think of a comeback good enough.

"And like you wouldn't know?" Ino saved Anko.

"Oh I know…." Jiraiya gave a really big smile. It was evident that he wasn't innocent by any means.

As if a prayer was answered, Shikamaru, the payroll manager, finally walked into the office.

_Thank you Lord! Shikamaru-sama is finally here!_ Sakura celebrated inside. _Now I won't be the only one ostracized. But then again…he can join the madness by telling stories of his dad who tries to put moves on every woman he sees._ Sakura sighed.

"How was your meeting, Shikamaru?" Anko asked after he walked by.

"It was alright." He answered solemnly and walked into his office.

_Whew._ Sakura sighed in relief.

"You know what, Anko?" Ino began her complaining spree again.

"What?" Anko replied while looking at the computer screen.

"I really shouldn't be eating this fast food. I mean, I really need to loose some weight, but this stuff is so good!" Ino remarked.

Sakura fell over in her chair. _Bitch…._

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**Please let me know if you liked this story! I assure you that there's more craziness where that came from! REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2: Food, sex and something

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto

The Office

**Episode 2: **Food, sex and something

**April 21st, 11:43 am**

This day started just like any other day in an office; normal for once. At least that's what the workers at the payroll office thought. Maybe they thought too soon.

Anko was busily working on some papers while Sakura alphabetized the timecards that were currently being turned in and Ino continued on the small project that was assigned to her by Naruto.

"Anko, so how about the dress that I ordered for my dad's dinner gala came in yesterday." Ino started up in her usual annoying tone.

"Oh really?" Anko replied, not really paying attention.

"Yeah! It wasn't supposed to come in until next month, but oh well. At least it came in." Ino paused for a minute to shove some more French fries into her mouth. "The dress fits everywhere…but my chest, again. The seamstress said that they would have to order another two sizes up and just take it in on the sides! Can you believe it? Normally I wear a eight but I had to order a ten to get it to fit in all 'those' places. So now I have to get ANOTHER size up from that!"

"Wow. At least you got it in now. The dance isn't for a couple more months, right?" Anko stopped what she was doing and turned around towards Ino.

"Yeah. I'm not complaining that I got it in. I'm actually happy about it. Now I know everything will be set with enough time to spare. You know what though. I can't seem to be loosing any weight though I've been exercising and 'trying' to watch what I eat. But with going to class all the time and running around, I just don't have the time to eat healthy. You know?" Ino began to complain while eating her hamburger.

_You wouldn't have that problem if you stop eating all that crap you keep bringing in._ Sakura thought to herself. _I wonder if she ever gets jealous about the fact that I'm skinnier than she is._

Since it was around lunch time everyone was getting hungry and starting to eat. Ino had already left around noon for lunch (even though she was eating a whole meal before) and Anko left for the rest of the day with her.

"Hey Shikamaru. I brought this in today and thought you might like it since you'll eat anything." Tsunade asked as she handed her boss a Styrofoam "doggy bag".

Shikamaru laughed. "Aren't you going to eat anything for lunch?" He asked.

"Yeah. I'm just gonna run and get something. Don't worry about it! Here, take it." Tsunade set the box on Shikamaru's desk and walked out.

"Uh…thanks." Shikamaru said and got up to heat up the cold meal.

A few minutes later, after the food was heated up and started to be consumed by Shikamaru, Temari, the manager of accounts payable, was taking her usual shortcut through the payroll office.

"What smells so good in here?" Temari instigated and poked her into Shikamaru's office. "Is it your cologne?"

"No. Tsunade brought in something and gave it to me to eat." Shikamaru paused for a moment. "Then again…it could be my deodorant." He joked. Temari cackled at Shikamaru's not-so-funny joke.

_Jeeze…there goes Temari again hitting on Shikamaru-sama again. _Sakura thought to herself and went back to one of her daily tasks.

Once the scene was clear of Temari, Tsunade came out of her office with a magazine. She walked on up to Sakura and set down the magazine next to her.

"Can you believe these two got married?" Tsunade asked in dire shock.

"Who?" Kiba asked, silently thanking Tsunade for coming out into the main office to initiate a "break".

"Izuka Kenjo and Yamana Mimi." Tsunade answered him.

Sakura stopped what she was doing and looked over at the magazine her boss brought out. She saw a picture of a Hollywood couple holding hands. The woman was of course young and beautiful and the man was quite a bit older, but still handsome in a sense. "Wow…yeah." Sakura replied.

"It's disgusting. He's way too old for her." Tsunade said disgustedly. Sakura giggled at her.

"People these days…seesh." Kiba said annoyed.

Without even realizing it, Kiba's, Sakura's and Tsunade's conversation sparked another, unexpected, topic to start in the office.

"Now that you mention it…that reminds me a story about another girl." Jiraiya randomly popped out of his office again.

_Oh gawd…not again…._ Sakura said fearfully to herself.

"Oh please Jiraiya…not again." Kiba started to get annoyed already.

Tsunade didn't say anything and attempted to ignore her perverted co-worker.

"Don't tell me it's about 'Melinda' again…." Sakura said irritated.

"No. This one is Magie. Oh man…was she a hottie!" Jiraiya smiled widely. "She would always moan whenever we would-"

"HEY! We have innocent ears here!" Kiba shouted. "And that would be me." He laughed.

"Whatever! You're far from innocent." Jiraiya criticized.

"Hey, I'm innocent too." Sakura mentioned, not knowing what trouble it would cause.

Jiraiya walked out of his office and towards the fax machine. "Oh ho ho! You are definitely not innocent, girl!" He reprimanded Sakura. "That's not I've been told."

Sakura's cheeks started to turn red. "What do you mean? Compared to you I am innocent!"

"So you're saying that I'm bad?"

"Yeah."

"I am not bad. You just make me out to be that way. You're the one who's bad." Jiraiya hassled Sakura. He walked up closer to her and leaned in. "I'm sure you would be good…." Jiraiya winked.

"EEK!" Sakura screamed. "You're perverted!"

"Hardly!"

"My ass you're not perverted." Kiba finally came in. "What I want to know is how we got from talking about celebs to this?"

Tsunade laughed. "I have no clue."

Sakura put her head on her hand. "And I don't want to know."

"Yeah really." Tsunade agreed.

"I really don't know who was better though, Magie or Melinda." Jiraiya started up again while he was slowly opening up the door to the hallway. "They were just so…mmm…good!"

"JUST LEAVE DAMMIT!" Sakura yelled again.

Kiba and Tsunade stared at Sakura, who was now breathing quite heavily.

"Is it just me or is Jiraiya horny today?" She asked after calming down a bit.

"He's horny." Kiba and Tsunade said in unison.


End file.
